The Octopus That Keeps My Keys Safe

Key Stats:

• Made of porcelain
• Given as a gift at a sushi place
• Real Name: Postulio 
• Nickname: Little Postulio
• Has 3 mutual acquaintances with Cthulhu on LinkedIn

"Why do you need an octopus to protect your keys?"
That's a dumb question, and I won't respond to it.

Little Postulio here is such a badass that I leave him in charge of literally every lock in my life. I'm also fairly certain he's evil. Can't prove it. This fancy basket was designed to hold our keys, but without that special something it just looks like a basket full of crap. Little Postulio makes it a conversation piece, along with being the ever-vigilant, stone-walled, iron-willed guardian of my keys, flashdrives, spare change, and keyring-sized rewards cards. He's the best potentially Lovecraftian horror in our house.

So here is my overall rating for The Octopus That Keeps My Keys Safe:

Conversational-ism: 8/10 Mollusks: Not much of a talker, Little Postulio let's his actions do the talking.

Evil-ness: 6/10 Mollusks: He may very well be evil, but I still love him.

Ever-Vigilant-ness: 10/10 Mollusks: HE IS UNBLINKING.

Don't Touch My Stuff-itude: 7/10 Mollusks = Caution advised: He's WAY too tangled up in all my keys to be picked up safely anymore. Expect me to be pissed at you immediately for all the junk you just dropped on my floor.

Overall Rating: 10/10 Mollusks: How can anyone not like octopi?