This Maestro Hulk Action Figure

Key Stats:

• Hair Style: Balding, yet beard is fabulous
• Underwear: Black briefs
• Footwear of choice: Silver snow boots with black soles
• Trophies: Captain America's broken shield; Thor's hammer Mjolnir; Dr. Strange's Cloak of Levitation; Wolverine's skeleton; helmets of Juggernaut, Ultron, Iron Man, Dr. Doom, and Nova

This is it. This is basically why I started this blog: To show you how badass an action figure one man is able to own. This is the 'Maestro' Hulk from the Future Imperfect timeline, created by Peter David's wicked brain and George Perez's wicked pencil. It's Hulk if the world were ravaged by a nuclear apocalypse and he set out to prove he was indeed the strongest there is by killing every other super powered being in the Marvel Universe. Not because he needed to; because he wanted to. And then he kept various trophies of them. Check out this splash page of Maesto's trophy room by Perez, which is still one of my favorite pieces of comic book art:



I find something different every time I look at it.

Back to the figure: This thing was made in the mid 90's, at arguable the peak of disc-shooting action figures. But this one just came packaged with himself and a bunch of death trophies. Badass. And he's able to stand up on his own, which is a big plus for a guy who grew up with a bunch of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys that couldn't stand for anything because they all had one foot bent upwards. But I don't quite understand why he's not wearing clothes. He wore a weird purple suit unless he had just finished fucking literal hordes of women, but this figure has him in his skimpies. And the boots are a weird addition. Why does Hulk even need shoes? Where does he find them in his size?

So here’s my overall rating of this Maestro Hulk Action Figure:

Comic Accuracy-ness: 9/10 Gamma Rays – Whoever designed this figure clearly liked the Future Imperfect storyline. This is a fan service figure. This is a figure I saw and fell in love with at a comic shop, then read the comic 10 years later because of how awesome the figure was, then wrote a review of the figure 15 years after first laying eyes on it. He misses a point because he never took his trophies out of the throne room to fight, but man does he look cool. The Mjolnir hammer on a chain is an extra special touch. This isn't a Hulk who can turn himself around, seek redemption and prove himself worthy of Thor's power. He's too far gone. This is a Hulk who drags around the weapon of a god to prove that he doesn't need it.

Badass-ery: 11/10 Gamma Rays – Do I really need to explain this?

Conversation Starter-ity: 10/10 Gamma Rays – "Is that the Hulk?" is generally the first reaction to seeing this guy, which lets me wax poetic about the Future Imperfect storyline and why I love it and why you should too.

Don’t Touch My Stuff-itude: 11/10 Gamma Rays = I MIGHT CUT YOU IF YOU TOUCH THIS – This thing is bordering on prized-possession, grab-one-thing-to-save-in-a-fire levels of my nerd love. I keep him posed on my bookshelf so you can see everything with your eyes, not your hands.

Overall Rating: 11/10 Gamma Rays – I love this thing in a way that only a grown man can love an action figure.