This Drax the Destroyer Collector's Pin

Key Stats:

• Diameter: 1 inch
• Drax Portrayed By: Dave Bautista
• Smells Like: Pennies

I was given this pin when I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy in theaters. I presume I received it sometime around August 1, since the pin says, "In Theaters August 1" on the the back. What a promotion!



They gave you one of the 5 Guardians of the Galaxy, which was great for all of you who saw the movie 5 times. I was very disappointed to get Drax. He's easily the lousiest of the Guardians of the Galaxy team. "Uhh we need a strong guy. What about this moron?" Why didn't they let him keep his totally awesome old-school costume with the purple cape? He has that one good line about being able to catch what goes over his head because his reflexes are too fast, but that's it. He's totally overshadowed by every other character. It's hard to be the boring one in a movie about a tree and his racoon friend. Space Thug #4 was more interesting than this guy. He also isn't quite as strong as the Hulk, and not quite as knive-y as Wolverine. He's the worst of both.

And finally, I am not in high school anymore. I'm no longer in a position in my life where I can cover my backpack in pieces of flair and maintain respect for myself.

So here’s my overall rating of this Drax the Destroyer Collector's Pin:

Fall Off Of What I Put It On-ity: 10/10 Things Caught Over Your Head Because Your Reflexes Are Too Fast – The point on this thing sticks into a rubber frog that easily slides off. What I want less than a Drax the Destroyer Collector's Pin is to have to look around the food court at the mall for the Drax the Destroyer Collector's Pin that fell off my backpack strap.

Short End Of The Straw-ibility: 10/10 Things Caught Over Your Head Because Your Reflexes Are Too Fast – Instead of the lovable-yet-tragic racoon, his cute tree pal, the deadliest woman in the galaxy, or an insanely hot Chris Pratt, I got Drax the Destroyer. 'Nuff said.

Eye-Catchy-ness: 0/10 Things Caught Over Your Head Because Your Reflexes Are Too Fast – Only when someone is looking at all the other cool stuff I own are they like, "Hey, is this a Drax the Destroyer Collector's Pin?" And I'm like, "Yeah, that's a Drax the Destroyer Collector's Pin. You want it?" And they're like, "No," followed by an awkward silence where we experience a psychic link only two people who understand why you wouldn't want a Drax the Destroyer Collector's Pin would comprehend.

Don’t Touch My Stuffitude: 0/10 Things Caught Over Your Head Because Your Reflexes Are Too Fast = YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS ENOUGH – Seriously, I do not care. It's only saving grace is that it smells like pennies. You're curious now, right?

Overall Rating: 1/10 Things Caught While Going Over Your Head – Really not into this thing. But I apparently really enjoy the smell of pennies, so I can't give this thing a 0/10.

This Aquaman / Black Manta / Also Batman (For Some Reason) Lego Set

Key Stats:

• Number of missiles attached to shark: 2
• Time spent putting together Black Manta sub: roughly 45 minutes
• Time spent putting together the rest of set: Exactly zero minutes. Still in the box. Apparently it came with scuba gear Robin. Who knew?
• Time spent making sure others don’t mess with it: All the minutes in all the days.

I think I got this thing at a Lego store in Kansas City after a Comic-Con. I already owned an Aquaman minifig (bought from yet another Comic-Con. Aside: Comic-Con is essentially a hybrid Christmas/Festivus/Labor Day/All Day Sauna for nerds.) One of my cats was playing with a piece I had dropped on the floor the other day, thus saving me the pain of stepping on a Lego. Cats are truly man’s best friend.

I love the sleek design of the manta ray sub. I’m not entirely sure that manta rays are evil, but years of Aquaman comics and SpongeBob* cartoons have shaped my impression of the dastardly manta ray. This submarine oozes evil. It’s even got long tubes connecting things that probably don’t need connected just like evil things always do. They mimic the tubes on Black Manta’s helmet, a cool design feature that helps differentiate it from the thousands of other manta ray shaped submarines out there. Black Manta’s minifig looks especially badass, emulating Ethan Van Sciver’s determined and intimidating pirate hate-monger instead of the Super Friend’s ‘why is his helmet shaped like a butt’ version.

I both love and hate the shark with missiles on its head. On the one hand, it’s a shark with missiles on his head, which is always awesome. On the other hand, it seems like that won’t work against Aquaman, a character renowned and renounced for his control over sea life. There is a little decal that shows some circuitry on the shark’s head, so maybe the idea is that Black Manta has overridden its brain, but come on. We’ve read this comic. Aquaman pushes himself to the limit, overcomes the circuitry, and the shark turns and shoots the manta ray sub with a missile. Also, the manta ray sub has missiles, so it seems like a lot of work to also capture, then brain rewire, then mount working missiles on a shark when you could just use your readily available submarine missiles instead.

So here’s my overall rating of this Aquaman / Black Manta / Also Batman (For Some Reason) Lego Set:

Shark With Missiles On Headiness: 8/10 mantas – Awesome yet impractical, but also somehow still impractically awesome.

Minifiguracity: 10/10 mantas – I bought it for Black Manta minifig, now I have Black Manta minifig. The rest of the Legos are superfluous to the minifigs in any given Lego set.

Fall Off The Bookshelfibility: 10/10 mantas – Seriously, give this thing a wide berth (Like that wordplay? Nautical, baby!). Nothing sucks more than Legos shattering all over the floor. And I like to keep it near the edge, too. Legos look best right near the edge of any wobbly surface. That’s science.

Don’t Touch My Stuffitude: 10/10 mantas = HANDS OFF!! – Nothing shows you don’t dust regularly quite like someone touching black Legos. I know you think it’s funny to write your name in it, Andy, but you’ve giving me a lot of grief.

Overall Rating: 9/10 mantas – I would have liked to save some money and just gotten the Black Manta half of this set. Why is Batman there? Why didn’t he bring any scuba gear like Robin? Wasn’t the Bat Boat one of the reasons we hated Batman Forever? What good is jumping action underwater?


*Microsoft Word offers a corrected spelling for ‘SpongeBob’. ‘Aquaman’ is just wrong no matter what. What a world we live in!